Several months ago, I read Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman. A friend suggested it when Matt and I were engaged, and I finally got around to reading it. I debated whether or not to even to a review it, due to the subject. I try to keep my blog “G-rated” or at least “PG-rated”, but I feel that it’s a subject that often is brushed under the rug in the Christian culture. If you are offended by this post, I apologize. I will not be offended if you choose to not read it due to the subject matter.
For those that are interested, here it goes…
Leman certainly does not hold anything back when approaching the subject of sex, yet he is respectful and comes at it from a very Biblical view point. I really appreciated this. Most of my recently married friends and I agree that most Christian couples are not prepared for the physical aspect of a marriage or realize the impact it has on marriage as a whole. Thankfully, Matt and I received some counseling on the subject and were given a book to read. Some of our friends, unfortunately, were left with the “You’ll figure it out” speech.
Note for engaged couples: If you are given a book, read the parts suggested before the wedding night!
The author’s main message is that sex is more than just the physical aspect of marriage. It is your entire love life, which includes your attitude, words, actions, etc. I thought this was an important issue to cover and learned a few things from it. There are chapters “For Men Only” and “For Women Only” that are quite helpful in seeing where the other person is coming from and what they need. (It’s suggested that you read both chapters together to begin open conversations on the subject). The book covers a variety of subjects, including the physiology of the act, how your past effects your marriage, how to get past inhibitions, what is and isn’t allowed according to Scripture (and what isn’t mentioned), and FAQs.
I felt that Leman was fairly balanced in his approach. He was not overly liberal, but does believe in the freedom of expression, if you will, of couples within the bond of marriage and that expression must not go against Scripture. There were only a few controversial subjects on which I didn’t completely agree with him. I understood his point, but don’t know that I would agree. I will let you decide for yourself…
All in all, I found this to be a very eye-opening book. As a Christian woman, I was innocent of some things before marriage that are now quite helpful to know as a married woman. This book was informative and helpful in several aspects of marriage. I would definitely suggest it to engaged couples and/or newlyweds and believe that even those who have been married for a long time could learn a few things from it.
*Also, The Act of Marriage by Tim & Beverly LaHaye is a practical, more conservative approach to the subject. It was given to us by our pastor and was quite helpful at the beginning of our marriage.